Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Blog #11 Long Time No Blog?

So I am so sorry my computer got a virus and it was just all jacked up!! I have also been really busy with softball, basketball, and dance so I apologize for not blogging, as if you wanted to hear about my life (insert laughing emoji). So while I was gone Tyler and I thought we might try to work things out. I put down my foot though and I said that we wouldn't be anything until after this summer and of course he didn't take that well. I am always on the lake or playing a sport and I just don't have time to text him!  He freaks out though, I have to tell him everything and if I don't I am pushing him away. Maybe I am pushing him away! One of the many reasons we broke up was because I felt like he wanted my body and he didn't love me. Guess what, we hung out the other day and he put his hands in my pants as soon as he got there, he didn't even kiss me first. I don't want to do any of that until I feel like him and I both have feelings for each other again. He is so confusing like he makes me feel bad for him and says he loves me and he can't live without me but being with him almost hurts because I feel like he just has to touch me. I have tried to tell him these things but he just says I am sorry, or It won't happen again I promise, and of course I love you, don't leave me I need you, etc... He also keeps saying that he wants things to go back to how they were, well we broke up because of how we were so does he just want to make up to break up?  Fuck it, I think I just want to be done with him for awhile at least. Besides Tyler my summer has actually been a lot of fun, me and my fiends are closer than ever and the lake is just so much fun.  My cousin Drake and I are also really close he is pretty much my brother and we have been hanging out a lot which is a blast cause we are like the same person. This is off topic but if you know any good songs let me know because I need a summer playlist! Thats all I have for the night so later bitches! xoxo

Monday, June 1, 2015

Blog #10 So grumpy.

So I have decided rather then dealing with Tyler and all of his gay ass messages trying to get me back I am just ignoring him. I am ignoring him by losing my phone on purpose and letting it die, not charging it unless I need to. I am also doing this to avoid all the other fuck boys trying to get with me and the drama that comes with them. I just don't want to be locked down this summer and fight and stress about boys. I also just do not have an urge to talk to anyone. At this point I am starting to become a bitch who hates every guy. Its all because of Tyler, he broke my heart but still won't let go which hurts more and more everyday. I guess my way of being strong is being pissed at every guy who likes me. I know that's fucked up but I can't deal with somebody else trying to be "my person". I don't want to tell someone how my day is everyday when it sucks everyday. Okay maybe I'm being a little dramatic. My life isn't that bad and my days are kind of good but when talking to another guy it sucks because I feel like I should be talking to Tyler. I know he sucked as a boyfriend but he took up a lot of my life. He just became such a perv and a fuck boy towards the end of our relationship and he is still the same now that we broke up. I don't know guys are so cute but they are assholes. Anyways I am going to bed because I am just in that mood today Later bitches xoxo!

Sunday, May 31, 2015

Blog #9 So many questions...

Hey guys! So last night I had to go to a wedding reception which was fun and my biggest crush ever was there! My crush is named Logan, he is super athletic, tall, blond hair, blue eyes, wears hats backwards, senior, taken :(. I have had a crush on him for a very long time. His girlfriend is a bitch but she is really pretty, super athletic, smart, and everyone basically looks up to her. I have never actually talked to Logan, one time he did ask me to tell the bus driver to turn the heat off on our way to our basketball game, does that count? The thing about Logan is I like him because of what all he could be. I know I don't know him but our families are really close so I hear about him a lot. I am the type of girl who loves to have fun and dance, especially dance. Kids at my school love to drink to have fun, which I have never drank and I don't care if people do and I will hang out with people who do at parties but I have learned to have my own fun without it. Growing up with two sisters who loved to party I have just always danced and had the greatest time, I don't need alcohol to come out of my shell and have a good time. I have always felt that Logan is the one who will have a great time, and he was always like that until he fell in love with the bitch who hates parties. I just know his family and I know he just wants to have fun, I see him in the corner of the room with the bitch on his lap at a dance and I can tell he just wants to get up and dance. He is a drinker at parties but he gets it honest. He is also so shy which is so weird because he used to never be like that when we were little. When I was little we talked a little bit but that was when I was eight or something. I also know he can be a douche bag that's why I have no clue why I am in love with a boy I know nothing about. I always want a boy who can have fun and I don't think Logan knows how to but I think he could.  Why do we fall in love with people we know nothing about? I think its because the moment we see the cute guy hanging out in the street we know that's what we want. That guy has no clue and doesn't make any effort to talk to us and it drives us insane. We crave for his attention and when they don't give us it we want it even more. We want what we can't have. I know I don't have a chance getting to be with Logan that's why my love for the guy is in a cage, and I don't let it out. I don't let a crush hold me back from falling in love or seeing other guys but he does influence the guys I like. Tyler was always friends with Logan and when they would talk I would be there trying not to slobber because of how cute he is. This blog may seem like I'm a stalker or a creep but I'm just letting you know I'm not. Last night when I was dancing I saw him watching and it just sparked my flame a little bit but don't worry by tomorrow it will be out. It's not like I really need to date though. I am only 15 its not like the guy I date is who I am going to marry. I think this summer I am just going to say fuck it to all boys and just have a great time. I have more things to focus on then being with a guy this summer. I have always wanted that summer romance but I guess as I have been growing up I realized the best summer you can have is the summer where you just go to parties all the time and dance. If I find a boy who will dance with me then I will think about adding him to my summer but if he doesn't dance he doesn't make the list. This blog is just really everywhere tonight I guess its because of these long summer days with no school. I guess that is all I am going to rant about tonight lmao. Hope you guys are having a lovely summer! Later Bitches xoxo!

Friday, May 29, 2015

Fuck... Blog #8

Guy's I have fucked up. I thought that I actually liked Koy but I don't! I thought that I could just not care about Tate but I can't. So funny story.... So my mom wanted to go to the movies so I was like okay! Well Drew quit snapchating me which was weird but I didn't care nor did I snap him. Well anyways I thought maybe I should take Tate to the movies so we can just get over fighting. Turns out she was already going to the movies... with Drew!! So that explained it all, I would just like to thank god that I didn't go to the same movie as them. But I have really been missing Tate so I texted her about boys and stuff like we used to and I just said that I really need a guy to just hang out with. I didn't realize Drew would be reading our messages. Then a guy way hotter then Drew snapped me! Guys he is gorgeous! So I was telling Tate about him and like 20 minutes later Drew snapped me making jokes about it. Then Tate started telling me how perfect her and Drew are and how they just made out and it was great and blah blah blah. Drew did the same thing but I think it was just to make me jealous but I don't really care, but why would they think I would want to hear about them making out! Especially Tate, why would she think that I would want to know all that!? When me and Tyler were dating I didn't tell her about our relationship. Oh and yeah super hot guy is a stoner so there goes that. I just say fuck it, fuck it all! Why do I need a boy or best friends? I don't! I just need my bed, my dogs, and chick flicks so I can cry every night alone! Okay so maybe that was dramatic but you get the point. I just want that one true friend but I don't think that exists in this small town. Life sometimes can just really suck, but I am so grateful for my family. But anyways I'm going to bed goodnight! Later bitches! xoxo

Thursday, May 28, 2015

Shit happens. Blog #7

Okay so first I would like to say I'm sorry for not blogging but its been a rough time I guess. And I also felt like blogging was bringing me bad luck is that weird? When actually I think I'm just realizing that I have some real bad fucking luck. So lucky for you guys you get to hear about all my fucking awful situations.

Good News: On a good note my parents are fine and back to normal. It got really bad for awhile but they talked about it all and now my dad just kisses her ass which is funny. But also they were fighting because they had no sex life and now they are all happy so you know what that means... ew. But yeah the whole fam bam is happy and my sister got a new puppy! Her name is Kiya, she is adorable.

The rest of my fucked up life. Soo I did it, I broke up with Tyler. We were at a graduation party and he just got so mad at me and I was trying to have a good time and that was my breaking point. So I broke up with him and the first day I was just fine. The second day was shit though, so Tate has been texting Tyler ever since we broke up. Like everyone was telling me that its just because she is helping him, well what the fuck he is a big boy he can deal with his own shit. The part that really sucks is she was encouraging me to end it with him and I did it. I thought that she would be there for ME, for ME not HIM. I loved them both, they were both my best friends and I LOST THEM. Why did she take his side? The worst part was she was always talking about him everyday, and she has a super fucking hot boyfriend who is a sweetheart.  Did she really think that I would want to hear about Tyler all day, everyday!? Did she really think that wouldn't hurt me like knife to the heart? And she told me everyday how I am an awful person who broke his heart.  I felt like I had nobody, I would cry all day because I lost everyone. Now if they both loved me why would they do this. Tate didn't even ask me if I was okay, but guess who did? You guessed right it was her super fucking hot boyfriend. Me and him have dated before, last year. Me and him have always been best fiends aka biffles. He was just there for me, he asked me if I was okay, he listened to me rant, he kept my secrets, he was okay with me bawling my eyes out, so I've been leaning on him. We have been talking everyday, I know this is awful because he is dating Tate but when I don't text him I cry and cry and cry. He gets my mind off of things. He kind of flirts with me once in awhile and I might do it back. Nobody knows we text and stuff though. Its our secret, we have both said we need to quit so Tate doesn't get pissed but guess what we haven't stopped. I think I might have feelings for him but I can't do that to Tate, I know she is doing it to me but it just feels so wrong but so right. But I can't do that to Drew (Tate's hot boyfriend) I know he likes me but I can't be a thing with him. He is to nice of a guy and I would just be rebounding and he doest deserve that. Tate is also the perfect girl, she is pretty, super nice, acts dumb which boys love, kind of shy, smart, all the parents love her and they all seem to hate me. Well that was my longer than usual rant, sorry about it!! I promise to try to keep blogging, feel free to make a comment! Later Bitches! xoxo

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Blog #6 How I Really Feel... I Think

Sooo.... I decided I am going to take a break from writing about my family problems for the night and I will tell you how I really feel about Tyler. Tyler, I used to be head over heels for him but I can't do it anymore. He is just so annoying and I just need to breathe! I need my space he just smothers me! Ive been talking to other guys and I know its wrong but they make me laugh when I get so mad! I know I'm just looking for any escape I can, and I think I have been doing this for awhile. Now I think he knows we are at our breaking point. There is just no connection. I am one of the happiest people and the moment he texts me I get pissed. I don't want to be unhappy this summer I want to live, I want to be crazy, not faking being crazy in love. I can't tell him anything, if I tell him something personal I get the same damn thing every time and he makes it worse. I just need him to tell me it will be okay and let me rant to him not feel pity for me. He makes me feel small which is funny because I'm a little bit taller than him... I'm 5'3. I just feel like  he thinks I can't do anything on my own and it makes me mad. Another thing is he just isn't any fun! He is boring and never wants to do anything! And I know I can do so much better, I don't know why I don't. I also feel like our relationship only works when we  do sexual things but we don't actually have sex of course. I don't even want that type of relationship, I want to be with a man who will dance with me and be fun, crazy, and adventurous. I just don't know how much longer I can take it. The one I really like I could never be with, he lives to far away :(. I don't know what to do, do I just wait it out till the summer? If any one is reading this please help. He really is a great guy and I do care about him its just we aren't working anymore.

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Blog #5 Tears on Tears

Another bad day goes in the book for Liz!b Yay me right?! So my mom got pissed because I stayed the night at my sisters but did she really expect me to want to stay home with them fighting. So i get home this morning and me and her started yelling at each other and I stuck up for my dad. Then she went crazy and told us she is leaving after work and that us girls only think about ourselves then she told my dad she didn't love him anymore after 30 years. But guys I fucking figured it out, I tied all the strings together! She got so mad at me and Tyler for cuddling right? Yeah well earlier today she was screaming at my dad how she can't go another 20 years without a sex life and without feeling loved, which is reassuring that they don't have sex but I don't want that image in my head. But anyways she got so upset because she thinks I'm getting what she can't! She got mad because she thinks we are having sex and that made her think about how she doesn't have sex and it made her go crazy! I don't honestly know if that's anywhere near correct but it makes sense. Anyways I went t school crying and balled my eyes out to Tate, my best friend. And me and Tyler, yeah I just don't think I am feeling it anymore. After all I been through lately I just don't know if I really love him. I would end it with him if I could but its just so complicated. And I honestly think I like someone else, I would tell you who but I don't know if I really do our not. Oh and I almost forgot I got my hair ombre today and I love it!! But anyways I need to get to bed but Ill tell you more tomorrow! Later bitches. xoxo.