Sunday, May 31, 2015

Blog #9 So many questions...

Hey guys! So last night I had to go to a wedding reception which was fun and my biggest crush ever was there! My crush is named Logan, he is super athletic, tall, blond hair, blue eyes, wears hats backwards, senior, taken :(. I have had a crush on him for a very long time. His girlfriend is a bitch but she is really pretty, super athletic, smart, and everyone basically looks up to her. I have never actually talked to Logan, one time he did ask me to tell the bus driver to turn the heat off on our way to our basketball game, does that count? The thing about Logan is I like him because of what all he could be. I know I don't know him but our families are really close so I hear about him a lot. I am the type of girl who loves to have fun and dance, especially dance. Kids at my school love to drink to have fun, which I have never drank and I don't care if people do and I will hang out with people who do at parties but I have learned to have my own fun without it. Growing up with two sisters who loved to party I have just always danced and had the greatest time, I don't need alcohol to come out of my shell and have a good time. I have always felt that Logan is the one who will have a great time, and he was always like that until he fell in love with the bitch who hates parties. I just know his family and I know he just wants to have fun, I see him in the corner of the room with the bitch on his lap at a dance and I can tell he just wants to get up and dance. He is a drinker at parties but he gets it honest. He is also so shy which is so weird because he used to never be like that when we were little. When I was little we talked a little bit but that was when I was eight or something. I also know he can be a douche bag that's why I have no clue why I am in love with a boy I know nothing about. I always want a boy who can have fun and I don't think Logan knows how to but I think he could.  Why do we fall in love with people we know nothing about? I think its because the moment we see the cute guy hanging out in the street we know that's what we want. That guy has no clue and doesn't make any effort to talk to us and it drives us insane. We crave for his attention and when they don't give us it we want it even more. We want what we can't have. I know I don't have a chance getting to be with Logan that's why my love for the guy is in a cage, and I don't let it out. I don't let a crush hold me back from falling in love or seeing other guys but he does influence the guys I like. Tyler was always friends with Logan and when they would talk I would be there trying not to slobber because of how cute he is. This blog may seem like I'm a stalker or a creep but I'm just letting you know I'm not. Last night when I was dancing I saw him watching and it just sparked my flame a little bit but don't worry by tomorrow it will be out. It's not like I really need to date though. I am only 15 its not like the guy I date is who I am going to marry. I think this summer I am just going to say fuck it to all boys and just have a great time. I have more things to focus on then being with a guy this summer. I have always wanted that summer romance but I guess as I have been growing up I realized the best summer you can have is the summer where you just go to parties all the time and dance. If I find a boy who will dance with me then I will think about adding him to my summer but if he doesn't dance he doesn't make the list. This blog is just really everywhere tonight I guess its because of these long summer days with no school. I guess that is all I am going to rant about tonight lmao. Hope you guys are having a lovely summer! Later Bitches xoxo!

Friday, May 29, 2015

Fuck... Blog #8

Guy's I have fucked up. I thought that I actually liked Koy but I don't! I thought that I could just not care about Tate but I can't. So funny story.... So my mom wanted to go to the movies so I was like okay! Well Drew quit snapchating me which was weird but I didn't care nor did I snap him. Well anyways I thought maybe I should take Tate to the movies so we can just get over fighting. Turns out she was already going to the movies... with Drew!! So that explained it all, I would just like to thank god that I didn't go to the same movie as them. But I have really been missing Tate so I texted her about boys and stuff like we used to and I just said that I really need a guy to just hang out with. I didn't realize Drew would be reading our messages. Then a guy way hotter then Drew snapped me! Guys he is gorgeous! So I was telling Tate about him and like 20 minutes later Drew snapped me making jokes about it. Then Tate started telling me how perfect her and Drew are and how they just made out and it was great and blah blah blah. Drew did the same thing but I think it was just to make me jealous but I don't really care, but why would they think I would want to hear about them making out! Especially Tate, why would she think that I would want to know all that!? When me and Tyler were dating I didn't tell her about our relationship. Oh and yeah super hot guy is a stoner so there goes that. I just say fuck it, fuck it all! Why do I need a boy or best friends? I don't! I just need my bed, my dogs, and chick flicks so I can cry every night alone! Okay so maybe that was dramatic but you get the point. I just want that one true friend but I don't think that exists in this small town. Life sometimes can just really suck, but I am so grateful for my family. But anyways I'm going to bed goodnight! Later bitches! xoxo

Thursday, May 28, 2015

Shit happens. Blog #7

Okay so first I would like to say I'm sorry for not blogging but its been a rough time I guess. And I also felt like blogging was bringing me bad luck is that weird? When actually I think I'm just realizing that I have some real bad fucking luck. So lucky for you guys you get to hear about all my fucking awful situations.

Good News: On a good note my parents are fine and back to normal. It got really bad for awhile but they talked about it all and now my dad just kisses her ass which is funny. But also they were fighting because they had no sex life and now they are all happy so you know what that means... ew. But yeah the whole fam bam is happy and my sister got a new puppy! Her name is Kiya, she is adorable.

The rest of my fucked up life. Soo I did it, I broke up with Tyler. We were at a graduation party and he just got so mad at me and I was trying to have a good time and that was my breaking point. So I broke up with him and the first day I was just fine. The second day was shit though, so Tate has been texting Tyler ever since we broke up. Like everyone was telling me that its just because she is helping him, well what the fuck he is a big boy he can deal with his own shit. The part that really sucks is she was encouraging me to end it with him and I did it. I thought that she would be there for ME, for ME not HIM. I loved them both, they were both my best friends and I LOST THEM. Why did she take his side? The worst part was she was always talking about him everyday, and she has a super fucking hot boyfriend who is a sweetheart.  Did she really think that I would want to hear about Tyler all day, everyday!? Did she really think that wouldn't hurt me like knife to the heart? And she told me everyday how I am an awful person who broke his heart.  I felt like I had nobody, I would cry all day because I lost everyone. Now if they both loved me why would they do this. Tate didn't even ask me if I was okay, but guess who did? You guessed right it was her super fucking hot boyfriend. Me and him have dated before, last year. Me and him have always been best fiends aka biffles. He was just there for me, he asked me if I was okay, he listened to me rant, he kept my secrets, he was okay with me bawling my eyes out, so I've been leaning on him. We have been talking everyday, I know this is awful because he is dating Tate but when I don't text him I cry and cry and cry. He gets my mind off of things. He kind of flirts with me once in awhile and I might do it back. Nobody knows we text and stuff though. Its our secret, we have both said we need to quit so Tate doesn't get pissed but guess what we haven't stopped. I think I might have feelings for him but I can't do that to Tate, I know she is doing it to me but it just feels so wrong but so right. But I can't do that to Drew (Tate's hot boyfriend) I know he likes me but I can't be a thing with him. He is to nice of a guy and I would just be rebounding and he doest deserve that. Tate is also the perfect girl, she is pretty, super nice, acts dumb which boys love, kind of shy, smart, all the parents love her and they all seem to hate me. Well that was my longer than usual rant, sorry about it!! I promise to try to keep blogging, feel free to make a comment! Later Bitches! xoxo

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Blog #6 How I Really Feel... I Think

Sooo.... I decided I am going to take a break from writing about my family problems for the night and I will tell you how I really feel about Tyler. Tyler, I used to be head over heels for him but I can't do it anymore. He is just so annoying and I just need to breathe! I need my space he just smothers me! Ive been talking to other guys and I know its wrong but they make me laugh when I get so mad! I know I'm just looking for any escape I can, and I think I have been doing this for awhile. Now I think he knows we are at our breaking point. There is just no connection. I am one of the happiest people and the moment he texts me I get pissed. I don't want to be unhappy this summer I want to live, I want to be crazy, not faking being crazy in love. I can't tell him anything, if I tell him something personal I get the same damn thing every time and he makes it worse. I just need him to tell me it will be okay and let me rant to him not feel pity for me. He makes me feel small which is funny because I'm a little bit taller than him... I'm 5'3. I just feel like  he thinks I can't do anything on my own and it makes me mad. Another thing is he just isn't any fun! He is boring and never wants to do anything! And I know I can do so much better, I don't know why I don't. I also feel like our relationship only works when we  do sexual things but we don't actually have sex of course. I don't even want that type of relationship, I want to be with a man who will dance with me and be fun, crazy, and adventurous. I just don't know how much longer I can take it. The one I really like I could never be with, he lives to far away :(. I don't know what to do, do I just wait it out till the summer? If any one is reading this please help. He really is a great guy and I do care about him its just we aren't working anymore.

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Blog #5 Tears on Tears

Another bad day goes in the book for Liz!b Yay me right?! So my mom got pissed because I stayed the night at my sisters but did she really expect me to want to stay home with them fighting. So i get home this morning and me and her started yelling at each other and I stuck up for my dad. Then she went crazy and told us she is leaving after work and that us girls only think about ourselves then she told my dad she didn't love him anymore after 30 years. But guys I fucking figured it out, I tied all the strings together! She got so mad at me and Tyler for cuddling right? Yeah well earlier today she was screaming at my dad how she can't go another 20 years without a sex life and without feeling loved, which is reassuring that they don't have sex but I don't want that image in my head. But anyways she got so upset because she thinks I'm getting what she can't! She got mad because she thinks we are having sex and that made her think about how she doesn't have sex and it made her go crazy! I don't honestly know if that's anywhere near correct but it makes sense. Anyways I went t school crying and balled my eyes out to Tate, my best friend. And me and Tyler, yeah I just don't think I am feeling it anymore. After all I been through lately I just don't know if I really love him. I would end it with him if I could but its just so complicated. And I honestly think I like someone else, I would tell you who but I don't know if I really do our not. Oh and I almost forgot I got my hair ombre today and I love it!! But anyways I need to get to bed but Ill tell you more tomorrow! Later bitches. xoxo.

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Blog #4 Miserable

So you know how I said hopefully today will be a better day? Yeah well it isn't, it still sucks. I stayed home today and skipped school today because:
1. I didn't want to go
2. My family go in a fight with one of my teachers
3. All of my friends are gone on this trip because they had good attendance but I didn't.
Anyways so all day when I was at home I just hung out with my sister and watched gossip girl because I really didn't want to deal with my parents. Tyler went on the trip so we got to talk all day which is good. But I've been thinking and I don't really know if I love him, but maybe its just because I'm upset about my parents. Speaking of them again, when I got home I took and shower and when I got out they were in the basement screaming at each other. My mom doesn't think my dad loves her anymore and he obviously does, and she is mad at my dad because he always plays solitaire on his computer, like no joke its what he does all day. I know this is weird but solitaire was my grandpas favorite game and he used to always play it and after he died now my dad does. Solitaire is like his way of connecting with my grandpa and I think she has no right to take that away from him. Well sense they are yelling at each other the dogs and I are just chilling in my room and its very awkward. I bet that one of them will move out and in like three day come back crying. They are both just being so dramatic but mostly my mom. I honestly feel bad for my dad cause I can just tell he is hurting. So sense its so awful here I'm going to my sister so I have to go. Later bitches, I hope you have had a better day then me. xoxo!

Monday, May 11, 2015

Blog #3 Pure Awful

So today is just pure fucking awful. I woke up this morning to my parents so grumpy and both of them crying but trying to hide it from me. I text my sisters and asked them if they know whats up, but they didn't. So I went to school which wasn't actually to bad pretty boring but I kicked ass in football in gym class. After school my dad was still pretty upset and I still didn't know why so I get home and my dad tells me to go talk to my mom. First thought when I heard that was oh great who died. So I go to talk to my mom and she just ignored me like really hello your daughter is trying to talk to you. I ask her if her and dad were fighting and she said "No Lizz, we aren't fighting" in the rudest tone ever so obviously she was being sarcastic so I looked around the room. On the bed I saw a big basket of shoes that were all my dads so I asked her why they were there and she goes "I don't know maybe he is moving out" like really what the fuck mom it's not okay to just say to your daughter that her dad is moving out! So i ask my dad why she is mad and guess why she is mad!? Just Kidding you don't know her so I will tell you, she is mad because we didn't do a good job on Mother's Day or get her anything! I love my mom but she is always telling us how she had no parents and barely had a house and how poor she was and how we need to be grateful well newsflash she needs to be grateful for her family and that all of us are alive! My mom is a great and wonderful women but she just might be showing her true colors lately and they aren't very colorful. I don't want to be home tonight I just want to leave, I don't want to be with my parents even my dog doesn't. My dog Nala is laying down with me right now and it's her birthday,  she is five. Anyways if any of you guys are wondering about Tyler, he is being annoying. I really don't want to talk about my family problems right now with him so I'm not telling him whats wrong. If I tell him all I will get is petty and he will just keep telling me he is sorry even though he has nothing to do with it!! So now he is like whats wrong? Is it because of me? I love you! Please talk to me. If I don't want to talk that means I'm not going to talk. God he is so clingy sometimes like I just need to breathe! I have plenty more to rant about but its getting late so I'm going to bed. Hopefully my next post will be more happy. Later Bitches xoxo!

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Blog #2 Clinging On To Me

So today has been a long but not to bad of a day! Me and my mom aren't fighting anymore but she is still mad at me if that makes sense? I had softball practice today which was super long and super dumb but that happens. Me and Tyler though are not so hot. So he feels bad that I'm grounded which is sweet and everything but he tried to text my mom yesterday and tell her that it wasn't my fault like what the fuck?! I'm a big girl I can deal with my own shit but no he thinks he has to do it all. Then he got his mom to ask if my fam bam (family) would go to his house to eat with them and his whole family, which we didn't go to. You guys may think this is sweet which it is but its also clingy! I hate clingy! Then his dad came over and talked to my dad, I just think that is weird. I love him but he is crossing the line, he is trying to hard and I don't know why but hopefully he snaps out of it. Another thing about Tyler is his dad is kind of weird, like he is nice sometimes but he also can be really mean so pretty much he has a minor case of bipolar. But anyways my sister was talking to him like last week, by the way I live in a small town so everyone knows and talks to everyone. But my sister told me that Tyler's dad says I'm to pretty for him, I'm a lot of women for him, and I'm just to much. What does that even mean? Like do I even take him calling me pretty as a compliment? Or is he saying I am too good for Tyler? Or is he trying to say he doesn't want Tyler to be with me? Ugggghhhh so many questions that I'm too scared to ask Tyler. Do you ever wonder why we choose the people we do to be in our life? When we could do better or pick nobody at all and have a great summer being free with your fiends not being locked down. I think I love Tyler but I'm 15 I don't want to deal with all that stress. Enough with my ranting I hope all of you guys had a great mothers day!! I'll talk to you tomorrow, later bitches!! xoxo

Saturday, May 9, 2015

Blog #1 Grounded

Before you start reading this, if anybody is reading this  I am warning you I am going to tell you guys everything like its my diary and nobody is reading this so don’t reveal my secrets.;)
So I guess this is it I’m really blogging. I have always thought about it but just never did it. You may be wondering why I decided to do it now but the reason is because I am grounded!! So as a typical girl with the typical crazy parents my explanation may bore you but I will tell you anyways. So last night my Boyfriend Tyler was over, my parents knew he was over and they were out of town. When my parents got home around 11pm my mom comes up to my room and Tyler and I were spooning… that's it and my mom gets pissed! So this morning when I was in my room she came up and just started yelling at me about how what she saw was very inappropriate and how I am 15 and that's not acceptable. Like really what the fuck we were just cuddling and watching a scary movie. But nope I am grounded for cuddling. As you might be able to tell I’m pissed. I got to go I will talk you guys later and tell you more! Later bitches xoxo!